A Cry In The Night
For the fourth night he woke screaming her name.
The cause of this was Tero and his reprogramming of Tuvok and through him the former Maquis. This reprogramming had caused a mutiny to happen on the lone Federation ship Voyager that was lost in the Delta quadrant. Starfleet members were rounded up and deposited in a cargo bay. Captain Janeway was kept separated from her crew and placed in the brig to await their new home on some unknown planet.
Before they arrived at the planet he had picked for the Starfleet crew he wanted to ensure that Tuvok was truly on his side this time. He didn’t want a repeat of the events when he first met Janeway.
Tuvok had been on his crew as a trusted comrade. The Starfleet ship had hailed them. The Captain had requested that he beam over to discuss their situation. He had asked Tuvok to join him and had been shocked to watch the Vulcan greet the Captain.
Chakotay had handed Tuvok a phaser and instructed him to shoot Janeway. He knew the weapon was faulty but Tuvok didn’t know that and had fired. His loyalty proven in reality had gone very differently in his dreams as the weapon had fired killing Kathryn.
He shuddered again as he remembered her face as she crumbled to the floor.
‘Kathryn,’ was whispered.
He could feel the sweat dripping from his body increasing his discomfort.
Chakotay was about to get up from bed when a cool cloth stroked across his brow and down his cheek. Tensing, he knew immediately who was tending him and he wondered why.
Opening his eyes he was greeted by the concerned face of the woman from his dreams.
‘Hi,’ she said, a little nervously.
‘Hi,’ he replied. ‘What are you doing here?’
It was not an accusation but curiousty as to why she would even want to.
‘For the past three nights I have heard you cry out and when I contact you, you say you are fine. It has been tearing me apart because I hear you wandering about your quarters. Tonight I decided to come over after you went to sleep so I could be here for you when the nightmare visited,’ she answered, as she sat beside him on the bed.
‘Kathryn, you shouldn’t worry about me,’ Chakotay told her.
He did not deserve her concern after what he did and the thought that he kept waking her drove another stake into his heart.
The big man looked away but a small hand grasped his chin to turn him back to her.
‘You are my friend so of course I am concerned about what is happening to you,’ she said.
‘I don’t deserve your concern,’ he mumbled.
‘Why because someone took control of your mind which made you do something that you wouldn’t normally do? How do I know this because I trust you implicitly with my ship, crew and friendship. Plus you have never made me question my decision about making you my First Officer.’
Tears formed in his eyes at her honesty Chakotay tried to look away but she held him firm.
‘Don’t hide from me anymore,’ Kathryn pleaded. ‘You have been doing that for the past few days and it’s killing you as well as me.’
Tears formed in her eyes as she watched his pain filled face.
‘Why,’ he started but stopped.
‘Why what?’ She prodded encouraging him to ask his question.
‘Why didn’t you come to me after like you did with Tuvok,’ he asked feeling childish.
Looking down she gathered her thoughts before she answered.
‘Because I knew Tuvok would thank me but say that he would be fine after meditation,’ she said, a little ashamed of herself. ‘You, I knew would feel guilty about what you did and I didn’t know how to help you deal with what you had done.’
Watching his sad face for a few moments, she thought about how to make him understand that what he had done was beyond his control.
‘Can I ask you a question,’ she asked.
Chakotay nodded his head.
‘If it had been me that had been brainwashed and thrown you in the brig then fired a faulty phaser at you would you hold it against me?’ Kathryn questioned, as she studied his face.
He thought about her question then finally answered her.
‘No I wouldn’t hold it against you but I’m your First Officer. A part of my job is to protect you and I didn’t do that instead I threatened you with your most trusted friend.’
‘Chakotay, you have to let it go,’ she insisted, as her hand trailed from his cheek to rest on his chest over his heart. ‘I know it’s hard and if you will let me I will help by listening and giving you my opinion.’
She looked down at him with eyes full of hope. ‘Will you talk to me?’
This woman had gone through hell and back the past few days and here she was wanting to help when she should be the one receiving help for what he had put her through. Tears slipped from his eyes as he placed his hand over hers and nodded his head as he picked her hand up to place a kiss on her palm.
Yawning, he smiled apologetically, as his lack of sleep caught up with him.
‘Sleep,’ she encouraged him. ‘We’ll talk tomorrow after you have had some rest.’
Starting to rise to leave Kathryn realized that Chakotay wasn’t letting go of her hand and as she looked into his eyes she saw the panic. She realized that he was afraid that his nightmare would return.
Sitting back down Kathryn kicked off her slippers. ‘Can I have my hand for a moment?’
Releasing her hand he watched as she removed the track pants and sweatshirt she was wearing to reveal a matching tank and panties before stretching out beside him on the bed.
Raising herself, she placed a kiss on his lips before lying done beside him again curling into his side.
‘I think we should redefine parameters,’ he hinted, as he pulled her closer.
‘You can define them this time,’ she said sleepily.
‘How about we define them together,’ he suggested, as he tilted her head up to kiss her.
The passion that had been buried for so long flared until they broke for air.
‘I like your thinking,’ she said breathlessly, as she gazed up at him. ‘But I want you fully rested for that discussion because I think we will be defining parameters for hours,’ Kathryn said, with a hungry look that froze Chakotay in place for a moment.
Pulling her snuggly to himself, he smiled. ‘I look forward to that discussion,’
‘I do to,’ Kathryn answered, as she drifted off.