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Disclaimer: Most of these folks are mine .. a couple of them happen to belong to Paramount 
  

The rain felt warm as it hit Thomas in the face, not that he minded. 
Paka, as usual, had run off with Tommy Paris, leaving him to walk to the transport stop by himself. Mama would be mad if she'd ever found out, but actually, he didn't mind that either -- not having his brother around gave him time to think. 
It still seemed strange to be in a place where it could be cold, or wet. So different than being on Voyager, where most things were the same, day after day. 
At first, he didn't like it. No matter what Mama and Papa said, this place ... Earth, they called it ... was not home. He hated the first place they lived, that apartment where Mama and Papa argued at night ... something he'd never heard before. 
Something else he heard, too, one night when he was supposed to be asleep. 
"We have to be prepared, Kathryn," Papa said softly. 
"It won't happen, Chakotay. I won't let it happen," Mama replied, sounding angry. 
"You may not be able to stop them from putting me in jail, if they decide that they'd like to resurrect those old charges from my Maquis days." 
Maquis ... he'd heard it on the ship occasionally, though it really didn't mean much to him, no more than the stories Papa had told him about how he and Aunt B'Elanna came aboard Voyager. But anyway, nothing ever happened to Papa, and eventually they had moved here, to a big white house, so both Mama and Papa could be near their jobs in Starfleet. 
Things weren't so bad, now. Mama had brought them a puppy, just like their holographic dog, but only real. They had taken trips to the real Lake George, which also was just like the holodeck, but the water was a lot colder. 
He even liked the Starfleet school. At least he had more friends his own age here, instead of having to tag along with Paka and Tommy. Papa hadn't wanted them to go there, not at first, but he heard Grandmother Gretchen talk him into it when they stayed at her house. 
"Chakotay, in one sense, I don't blame you. I didn't want Kathryn and Phoebe in Starfleet schools, either ... though that certainly didn't keep Kathryn out of Starfleet."  "I sense there's a "but" coming?" Papa sounded amused. 
"Uh, huh. These youngsters are having a hard time adjusting. At least there, they'd be with other children who lived on starships. The teachers should know how to handle that." She didn't say anything for a moment. "Here, they would be the object of curiosity ... especially Tallie. Don't do that to them, dear." 
Papa sighed. "All right, Gretchen. All right. I'll think about it.. Now I know where Kathryn got her persuasive talents ." 
### 
School was going to be fun today, because his class was taking a field trip to the Starfleet Museum. He sat down next to his friend, Robbie, who had saved a seat on the transport for him. But he kept stealing glances across the aisle to where Mattie was sitting with one of her friends. 
Mattie was probably the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. Red hair and blue eyes, sort of like Mama's. He never had the courage to go talk to her, mostly because the other kids would tease them ... or maybe because Carson Kane would tease him. 
Carson was a lot bigger than he was; actually, he was a lot bigger than most of the kids. And he seemed to have it in for anyone who he considered different. Carson had tried to push him around at the transport stop one day, until Tommy Paris stepped in and stopped him. Even Carson had enough sense not to mess with somebody who was part Klingon. 
Uh, oh, Carson had seen him looking at Mattie and was sneering at him. He decided to ignore him and see if Robbie had any good Sumo cards to trade. 
Inside the museum, he stayed behind the crowd, just looking at the starships. He enjoyed them, though not as much as Paka, who had a whole fleet of models in his bedroom. He wasn't thinking about what else he might find, until the group turned a corner ... 
Voyager. 
Not really Voyager, just an image. But it made him homesick just the same. If it were real, he would have found a way to get inside so he could run straight to his room ... or to the holodecks ... or maybe to the mess hall where Neelix would be waiting. 
Maybe he could go back. He started to turn, but too late. Mama's voice filled the room. 
"This is Admiral Kathryn Janeway. I had the great privilege to be captain of Voyager, the first Intrepid class ship built ..." 
Everyone in the room turned and looked at him. He had no idea what their expressions were. He had no idea what Mama was saying on the recording. All he wanted was to fall through the floor. 
Mama must have stopped talked, for his teacher, Mr. Jerrold, came and led him to the image. 
"Thomas, you know Voyager better than anyone here. Can you show us where the bridge is?" 
Hesitantly at first, he began to answer Mr. Jerrold's questions. He must have done all right, not that he could remember, because his teacher clapped him on the back and said, "Good job." 
As they walked into the next room, Mattie came up to him. "We lived on the Cimarron for a while. My dad was the first officer. Did you get to go to the bridge?" 
"Uh, huh," was all that he could manage, but his heart was singing. He hardly noticed the rest of the museum. 
### 
He was still a bit dazed by it all, so he sat near the entrance to the playground, trying to sort things out. He didn't notice the figure in front of him... 
Carson. 
"So you lived on Voyager, and your mom was the captain." It sounded like an accusation. 
"Yeah, so?" he said, slowly getting to his feet. 
"So your dad's a Maquis." Another accusation. 
What was this about? "Why do you care?" he asked, irritated. 
For a big guy, Carson could move. In an instant, he had him by the shirt. "Because the Maquis are dirty murderers! That's what my dad says. " He felt Carson's shove, then the impact of the wall against his back and head. For a moment, he saw stars; he could hardly stay on his feet. 
Carson had him by the shirt again. "Who's going to help you ... your Maquis family?" 
In the distance, he could see Robbie, then Paka and Tommy running toward them. But they weren't going to get there in time. Slightly desperate, he tried to remember what Papa and Uncle Tuvok had taught him about self defense. He twisted away just enough, balled his hand into a fist, closed his eyes, and swung. 
He connected with something that gave way. Someone yelled .... maybe it was Carson, maybe him. He fell against the wall again, giving his head another knock. 
Paka and Robbie were next to him now. "You OK? Thomas!" 
He struggled to sit up with Paka's help. He looked over, and saw Tommy standing over Carson, who had blood streaming from his nose. 
"What happened?" Robbie asked. 
He looked at Tommy. "He said Papa ... your mom .... all the Maquis on Voyager were dirty murderers." he was near tears now. 
Paka's face grew red ... Tommy, with a low growl, picked Carson up by his hair. "Dirty Pi'tak! You have no honor ... I ..." 
"Put him down, Tommy." It was Mr. Jerrold, and another teacher. He nodded to Paka. "Edward, take your brother to the infirmary. We'll straighten this out there." 
### 
Thomas laid back on the bed. His head hurt, so did his hand. It was quiet. So quiet that he could hear the nurses talking in the next room. 
"Lt. Kane was here to get his kid. He didn't look happy." 
"Well, he has an idiot for a kid. Didn't Kane ever tell that boy he shouldn't try to beat up on an admiral's son?" 
"Well, he can tell him when he gets transferred to Breen. Maybe the cold will knock some sense into him." 
"I think young Janeway may have done that already..." a pause. "Oh, Admiral." 
Mama's voice floated in from the other room. "I understand my son is ready to go home." It was a command. 
He groaned inwardly as the footsteps approached. He didn't want to face either of his parents right now. 
"Hey," she said quietly as she cradled his face in her hand. "Headache?" 
He nodded mutely. 
She nodded in return. "Tell you what. We haven't had one of our dates in a long time. Let's go home and see if I can round up some cookies for you." 
He'd almost forgotten. For most of his life on Voyager, he and Mama had a weekly "date." M'baath would bring him up to the bridge, and he and Mama would spend an hour in her Ready Room. They'd have replicated cookies; sometimes she'd read to him, sometimes they'd just talk or watch the stars through the big windows. Right now, he mightily wished he was there. 
She took his hand, and they walked past the nurses' stares, and left the building. An officer -- someone he didn't know -- was driving her Starfleet hovercar, and he hurried to open the back door for them. 
Once inside, she pulled him to her. "Want to talk about it?" she asked quietly. 
He tried to talk, but something stuck in his throat, and the tears stung his eyes. He looked at Mama, and saw that she, too, was crying. That scared him. He'd only seen Mama cry once before ... last year when M’baath died. 
It all became too much, and he buried his head in her lap and sobbed. 
### 
Kathryn sipped a cup of tea as she listened to the rain falling on the porch roof. She absently scratched Molly's ears, and the big dog thumped her tail in appreciation. 
Perhaps it was good that Chakotay had taken his tactics class on field exercises today; it gave her time to get her thoughts together. 
She'd had a long talk with Thomas, and later with Paka and Tallie; explaining again how she and Chakotay came to be. And explaining again that some people didn't approve of what Chakotay did. 
Ironic. The Maquis question had been settled 10 years before Voyager returned, and Starfleet wasn't interested in resurrecting it. Despite Chakotay's fears, his Maquis involvement had been dismissed. She'd faced more scrutiny for her protocol breach ... bedding your first officer was still frowned upon. She still laughed at the advice of a misguided friend who suggested she deny the relationship - until he met Thomas and Paka. 
But for all of Starfleet's denials, Voyager's arrival had opened old wounds. Nothing blatant, today excepted. Just an undercurrent. Like the Academy faculty members who pointed ignored Chakotay. The slight resistance to B'Elanna's appointment to the fuels project. 
Those things she could take. But the children ... that hurt ... it wasn't fair. "Sins of the fathers ... and mothers," she thought darkly. 
 
"Kathryn!" Chakotay's voice broke her reverie. He was standing in the doorway, still in his muddy field uniform. He opened the door, and gave Molly a pat as he sat in the chair next to her. 
"How's Thomas?" She could see the lines on his face; part worry, part fatigue. 
"Asleep. He'll have a headache for a day or two ... he took a whack on the head. The doctor said to keep him home tomorrow." 
"I'm sorry I wasn't here. Any other day ..." 
"It's all right," she cut him off. "I'm ... I'm not sure you wanted to hear it all, anyway." 
His hand was on her arm. "Hear what?" 
She hesitated. But she couldn't keep this from him. "Hear Thomas ask ..." she started slowly, framing the words. "If it was true. If the Maquis were 'dirty murderers.'" 
The look on Chakotay's face was heartbreaking, and she kept talking, trying to reassure him. "I told him of course, that you are an honorable man. That you were fighting for a cause you believed in then ... just like we fought for Voyager when we were in the Delta Quadrant." 
He stood, and walked to the railing, saying nothing, just looking out at the rain. 
She wasn't sure how to help him. "Chakotay, love. It was just a taunt. It hurts, but ..." 
"But no matter how much we want to protect the children, these things are going to happen," he finished for her. He snorted. "Funny, when I joined the Maquis, I was thinking in terms of my father. Maybe I should have been thinking in terms of my children." 
"Maybe you were," she offered. 
He shrugged. "Maybe. But I can't say I'm particularly proud of everything I've done." 
Silence for a time ... then she quietly rose and moved next to him, her back against the railing. He still hadn't turned around. 
"To tell you the truth," she began. "I'm not proud of everything I've ever done, either. In and out of Starfleet. But we can't change what happened, Chakotay. It's part of who we are." 
### 
Chakotay lay awake for a long time, listening to the rain, and Kathryn's even breathing beside him, as he tried to untangle his thoughts. 
It pained him that he couldn't be completely truthful with Kathryn. She was right, of course, the Maquis was part of his life; he'd never tried to deny it, even if the years had shown him that such tactics could be futile. 
Kathryn shifted against him, and he allowed himself a small smile. Besides, being a Maquis fugitive had brought him the best thing in his life ... for that, he always would be grateful. 
No, the thoughts that crowded his mind now were other memories; the days following Thomas' birth, when no one knew if he would live. And how angry he was with that Vontax bastard, Antrew, who had kidnapped Kathryn and put her in harm's way. 
But just what the hell was he thinking the night he and Daven went after Antrew. Capture? Turning him over to the authorities? Like Daven would allow that. 
He remembered Antrew pulling the knife; he saw the slash, but it didn't register. Next thing he knew, he was standing over Antrew's body, the bloody knife in his own hand. Self-defense, Daven had said. 
At that point, he no longer cared. He limped back to the shuttle, his shoulder throbbing, and his stomach churning with the realization that he'd just done Daven's dirty work for him. 
He sighed. Kathryn was right. He couldn't change this, whatever his regrets. In one sense, he was a murderer; though not the kind portrayed in a misguided schoolboy's taunts. But Antrew was dead, and Thomas and Kathryn were alive, and safe. 
And that was something he could never be sorry for. 
### 
Kathryn was gone when he awakened, though she left a PADD of instructions and a couple of hyposprays on the bedside table. He'd expected Thomas to still be asleep, but the boy was sitting on the back porch, watching Molly chase bugs in the garden. 
"How's the headache?" he asked as he stretched out next to his son on the back steps. "OK," Thomas murmured. "Mama gave me some medicine before she left." 
Chakotay started to ruffle his hair, but thought better of it; instead he rubbed Thomas' shoulder. "I see my boxing lessons weren't wasted." 
"I didn't do very good," he said, head down. "Papa ... I'm sorry I got into a fight." 
The boy's apology surprised him. "You have nothing to be sorry for, son. From what I hear, you were defending yourself." He paused, not sure how to say the next sentence. "Thomas, maybe we should have prepared you a bit better for things like this. You may run into more people who are unhappy with what I did; even if it was a long time ago." 
Thomas raised his head and looked at him. "Papa, did you do a bad thing by being a Maquis?" 
Ah, the moment of truth, Chakotay thought. "Son," he began softly. "I've always done whatever I had to do to protect my family ... or the people that served with me. Being a Maquis may not have been the best thing, but I thought it was the right thing at the time." 
The boy nodded. "That's sort of what Mama said. That you were hon ... honorable." 
Molly bounded on the porch, distracting Thomas, and for a moment, Chakotay thought the moment had passed. Should have known better. 
"Papa? How come you never went back to your home? The one the Cardassians took?" 
Why, indeed? He asked himself that question a few times. And each time, he came up with the same answer. 
"Well, partly because it wasn't my home anymore. Our family, my friends had left." He paused, not sure if the boy would understand. "I also knew my life was with your mother. And her life was, and probably always will be with Starfleet. So, we stayed here." 
Thomas was giving him a half-frown, just like Kathryn did when she was trying to figure something out. "You mean you stayed because you love Mama?" 
Guess he did understand. "Yeah, and you guys, too. We figured you would have a better life here." 
Thomas was still frowning at him. "Papa, how did you know you loved Mama?" 
Now that was an interesting question; especially from a nine-year-old. "Well, I ... " He shook his head. There was only one answer. 
"Let me tell you a story ... it's about an angry warrior." 
### 
Going back to school wasn't too bad, Thomas decided. No one made much of a fuss. And Carson wasn't there ... he wasn't coming back, Robbie whispered to him on the transport, though nobody knew why ... or really cared. 
He was picking at his lunch when Mattie sat down next to him. 
"I told my dad about what happened to you," she said, resting her chin on her hand. He wasn't sure how to respond, so he feigned interest in his plate. 
"He told me about my Uncle Jeremy. He died before I was born, so I didn't know him. Dad told me he left the Academy to join the Maquis, and he never came home." 
Thomas looked up in surprise. "Really? Is your dad mad about that?" 
Mattie looked at him like he was daft. "Why would he be mad?" 
Thomas shrugged. "It seemed to make Carson real mad." 
It was Mattie's turn to shrug. "I think Carson was mad about everything." She put her chin on her hand again. "He just said you were lucky to still have your dad around. He just wishes he could see his brother again. He looked pretty sad." 
Thomas nodded, just taking it in. On the other side of the room, he could see Robbie staring at him, like he couldn't believe his friend's luck. 
Thomas couldn't believe it either. And suddenly, what Papa had done a long time ago didn’t seem to matter much now. 
He nodded again, and took a deep breath. 
"Hey, do you like Sumo cards?" 
Mattie grinned. "I get all my brother's extras. Wanna trade sometime?" 
-fin- 
              
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